


THE QUIET ~Phan~(Blue Neighbourhood Part 1/3)

by heylazeh



Series: Blue Neighbourhood [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, Completed, Dan Howell - Freeform, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phandom - Freeform, Phanfiction, Phil Lester - Freeform, THE QUIET, blue neighbourhood - Freeform, danandphil - Freeform, danisnotonfire - Freeform, phanfic, troye sivan - Freeform, wild
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 17:05:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5792794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heylazeh/pseuds/heylazeh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically, I’m addicted to Troye Sivan’s album "Blue Neighbourhood" and I have no life, so I decided to write a phanfic based off of: THE QUIET </p>
<p>I hope you like it!</p>
<p>(Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and I am in no way saying, phan is real and any of this has happened / will happen. I am simply a really REALLY big shipper with big hopes and only knows as much as the rest of you)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dan has been distant. And not the usual, spending the early hours of the day on Tumblr, reblogging until he finally passes out from exhaustion and waking up at about 2 in the afternoon. Or the not wanting to leave the house in fear of "human interaction". This was different and it's really come to bother Phil.

Phil had chosen to not bring it up to any of their friends or even to Dan himself, but he knew that Dan knew. They have spoken about it before, but as they spoke it was as though they were in different worlds. Not the living room of their flat, together. Only inches away from each other.

The whole conversation was confusing and to Phil's disappointment, only creating more distance between the two. Which the "talk" was meant to close.

_"Dan, is something wrong?" Phil asked, thoughtfully looking over at his boyfriend, who seemed a bit, out of it._

_It had been like this for a week and he didn't know what to do. He cared for Dan, a lot and hated seeing him like this._

_So he broke the silence that had been cast upon them._

_"Yeah, I'm fine Phil" Dan reassured him, with a small and forced smile, before walking away, into his bedroom. 'I'm fine' those words constantly echoed through Phil's head but Phil knew the truth. He was not fine._

_From that moment on, the flat was quiet. So quiet that you could hear a pin drop if you tried. But they didn't, no one did, the days passed by slowly and the only sounds were the gentle hum of the tv in the living room, which Phil had given up on a while ago and the sound of pacing coming from Dan's room._

_Phil sat on the couch, head buried deep into the palm of his hands. He didn't know what to do, though Phil wasn't the type of person to give up easily. He was going to find out what's wrong with Dan, even if it's the last thing he does._

Dan was broken and Phil knew it, he also knew he had no idea how to "fix him" since he doesn't know what the problem is. So, Phil asked once again, a week later. This time he got a different answer, or answers, Dan was no longer "fine".

_"Oh it's just an existential crisis" and "I'm just tired" were just some of the answers he got from Dan. But he knew that wasn't the full story, no it was not._

_He returned back to the couch to think. It's safe to say he and the couch are going to be really good friends by the end of this whole "fallout"._

_"Could he be cheating on me?"_

_Phil hated making accusations behind Dans back, but he knew Dan wouldn't tell him anything. So if he didn't try to figure it out, then he would never know._

_'Could he be cheating on me?' He thought once again. Would Dan really be cheating on him? They were together for five years and Phil thought Dan loved him._

**"Thought"**

_That word hit Phil like a ton of bricks. Could it be that Dan doesn't love him anymore? Or maybe, never did?_

_No, that couldn't be. Dan loved- loves him and he's sure about it._

_"Then why would he be cheating?" A voice asked in the back of his mind._

_Phil shook it off, he couldn't be cheating. He rarely leaves the flat. He couldn't be seeing anyone, if well, he doesn't even see anyone._

_"But what if the deed was already done?"_


	2. Chapter 2

The silence was unbearable and Phil didn’t know how long he could take it. It’s been three weeks, and yes, Phil was counting. What else would he be doing? Dan still hasn’t spoken to him.

Phil has begged and pleaded, he NEEDED to know, but still no real response.

_“Hey Dan” Phil said, quietly, as he knocked on Dan’s bedroom door. He knew that Dan was in there, for obvious reasons, as well as the fact that he could hear someone talking on the other side._

_Someone was talking, but yet, he got no response._

_So Phil knocked again and to his surprise, the door opened, to a… Seemingly happy Dan._

_Phil looked over into Dans bedroom and realized why; he was in the middle of filming.That’s Dan, always considerate of his fans, even at the worst of times._

_“Hello” Dan responded, simply, the smile never once leaving his face._

_It felt almost natural, like this whole three weeks did not happen. That everything was okay, but it wasn’t._

_“Hey Dan, um, can we talk?” Phil asked, and Dans face dropped._

_“Oh, um, I’m kind of busy filming right now” Dan responded, a bit too quickly for Phil’s liking, “maybe later, when I’m, uh, editing. Yeah, editing”_

_Phil nodded sadly, but he understood, Dan was busy._

_“Alright, I’ll come back later”_

_Phil decided to make dinner while he waited, it was already 8 and he thought might as well make dinner for the two of them. Yes, the two of them. That made Phil happy. They would eat and talk._

_It was 8:45 pm when the dinner was ready._

_‘When will Dan be finished?’ He thought, to himself as he watched the clock._

_9 o'clock_

_9:15_

_9:30_

_10 o'clock_

_'Where was Dan?’ He thought, it doesn’t usually talk this long to film._

_'How do you know Dan is even coming?’ the voice asked, once again._

_He is coming, right?_

_Yeah, he had to be. He said he was._

_'But when?’ he questioned and a yawn escaped his mouth._

_He felt himself growing tired, but knew he could not sleep. He had to wait for Dan. He needed to know._

**He fell asleep five minutes later.**

_Phil woke up that morning, or he thought it was morning, since it was no longer dark._

_He checked the clock on his phone, 7 a.m. Yup, morning. He yawned as he got up from the couch, disappointed that Dan hadn’t come, but also disappointed he had fallen asleep._

_He looked down at the table and stopped in his tracks, there was a piece of paper. He reached over to grab it and opened it, “Hey Phil” it read, “I came and noticed you were asleep and didn’t want to wake you. (You looked so peaceful) I tried to stay as quiet as I could. Dinner was great, thank you, and don’t worry. I put it away so it wouldn’t be left out over night._

_I honestly don’t know when you’ll see this, but I’m sure I’ll be asleep by then._

_So, night_

_-Dan”_

_Phil let out a groan in disappointment, Dan did come, but Phil had missed him. This could have been his only chance to talk to him, but he blew it._

_'Why did I have to blow it?’ He thought, letting out a deep sigh as he made his way into the kitchen to get some breakfast._

_He didn’t know why, but on his way to cupboards, he checked the stovetop. Nothing. There was nothing on it._

_It was gone. Probably hidden away in the fridge somewhere. Something that Phil worked so hard on and cherished and loved, gone. Probably not to leave the fridge again. To stay hidden behind the door so it doesn’t have to face whatever is outside. Whatever is really important._

_'Wait-’ the voice asked, 'did you just compare Dan to food?’_

_Phil just shrugged and returned back to making cereal, ha, wow he's fucked up._


	3. Chapter 3

"Where did this all come from?" Phil questioned, finding himself being the one who's pacing around his bedroom this time.

It has been three and a half weeks, three and a half long and painful weeks. Phil had tried to get his mind off things; this could not be healthy for him. He tried everything, from going out every so often to making videos to even knitting. Yes, it had literally come to a point that knitting would be better than feeling all this.

Heck, anything would feel better than this.

**Anything hurts less than quiet.**

He and Dan used to never keep anything from each other, they'd tell each other everything. And now that Dan had gone silent, Phil felt alone and betrayed.

Dan, his Dan, the Dan he would share everything with had suddenly become quiet.

_Phil thought back to all the good times they had shared together and even some of the not so greats._

_He thought back to the day they met for the first time, their first kiss, PINOF's and AmazingDan's alike and every kiss and hug and cuddle in between._

_The feeling was bittersweet._

_Every existential crisis that Phil had helped Dan through._

_And all the long, coffee-filled, nights that Phil had spent with Dan studying back in Uni._

_Now that he looked back at those times, it felt like it was lightyears ago. Back when Phil knew Dan was his, and only his._

_He couldn't shake off the feeling of Dan cheating on him. No matter how much it would hurt, Phil just wanted Dan to tell him and get it over with._

_But no, Dan was too stubborn to admit._

_It's ironic really._

_Dans stubbornness was always a fan favorite of Phil's. He always thought it was adorable, but now, it's being used against him and he has no idea why._


	4. Chapter 4

Phil didn’t want to be the first to end the relationship, but since Dan wouldn’t admit that they aren’t working out, or anything for that matter and won’t even talk about it, he felt it was his responsibility to end the relationship himself.   

Though he couldn’t find himself to do it. So instead, he decided he was leaving.

Leaving Dan, leaving the flat, leaving the stress and the paranoia and just everything. Just packing his bag and leaving, not sure when he’ll return. But he knows one thing for sure, it’s not until Dan admits, to everything and honestly. Key word: honestly. They need honesty.   

_Phil shut the zipper of his a single black suitcase._

_“This is it” he sighed._

_He honestly could not believe he was doing this, but he had to_

_…Right?_

_Yeah, he had to. If Dan was not going to try and contribute to this relationship and tell him what’s wrong, he sees no reason to stay._

_Well, besides the fact that: he still loves Dan, this is partially his flat, the subscribers will question it (as usual), he still loves Dan and well, he still loves Dan._

_There’s no beating around the bush and he’s not going to lie, he still loves Dan._

_He’s not mad. No, not really. He knows that and he knew that since the beginning. He just wishes Dan would tell him, so they could most probably sort out the issue. Yeah, sort out the issue._

_But until Dan tells him the truth, he’s leaving, and nothings going to make him change his mind._

Dan was sat down on the couch, quietly watching reruns of what looked like Death Note. Which Phil had noticed was playing on the screen in the one second glance he had between exiting the hallway and making his way towards the front door.   

Dan sat there, wide eyed and confused, until he realized…  

He shot up from his seat and made his way towards Phil, who was about to make his way out the door, but got stopped by someone grabbing his arm.   

_Dan looked hurt, like really hurt and Phil wanted nothing more than to pull him into a hug and tell him it’s alright._

_But he couldn’t._

_He had to be strong._

_He couldn’t give in._

_He knew that._

_But that didn’t make it hurt any less._

_Dan was crying._

_And that’s when Phil realized, he was crying as well._

_They were both emotional and literal messes._

_It was silent for a good five minutes as they just looked into each other’s eyes._

_Letting out muffled sobs and one waiting for the other to speak._

_And that person was going to be Dan._

_Phil’s done enough conversation starting in the past few weeks._

_Now it’s Dan’s turn._

_The silence continued for another two minutes until Dan finally spoke up._

_“Phil?” He managed to croak out._

_Phil didn’t respond, so Dan tried again._

_“Are you leaving, Phil?”_

_Phil still did not respond, but instead just nodded his head._

_Dan was not really surprised by Phil’s actions, heck; he would have left himself as well._

_But just the thought of Phil leaving him broke his heart into millions of pieces._

_He placed his hands over his face, as more tears fell, almost as though he were hiding it from the rest of the world._

_Phil simply let go of his luggage handle and pulled Dan’s hands away from his face._

_He needed answers._

_Though he wished it would have been so much easier and less tear-filled._

_But he’s sure this is all he’s getting and he’d have to make do._

_No matter how much it hurt him to see Dan like this._

_He gently placed one his hands on Dan’s chin and lifted it, so that he was looking directly at him._

_Dan sniffled._

_“Dan” Phil spoke, softly. As though he were speaking to a crying child. (Which the scene was not too far from) “I need you to tell me what’s wrong, okay? The truth and only the truth. Can you do that for me, please?”_

_Dan’s eyes opened wide, for the second time in only ten minutes._

_“I- I d-don’t think I can d-do that, Phil” he stuttered._

_“I’m sure you can” Phil reassured him._

_“No, no” he said, shaking his head violently as the tears returned, having stopped when he started looking into Phil’s eyes, “you’ll hate me! I can’t have you hating me.”_

_“Dan” Phil breathed out, “I won’t hate you. I cannot and never will hate you. Just, please, please, please, please, tell me”_

_“But-”_

_“Dan, please tell me. I won’t hate you.”_

_Dan’s breathing tensed up, but then he slowly tried to even it out “Alright," he said. "I’ll tell you, but you have to promise me you won’t hate me”_

**_“Daniel James Howell, I swear I will never, ever hate you”_ **

_Dan took a deep breath and Phil let out a small smile, he was finally going to know the truth._

_“Okay, it all began when…”_


	5. Chapter 5

_"It all began when we were walking home that one Saturday night after our date. I was cold and me being the forgetful person I am, left my coat at home. You noticed and offered to give me yours but I told you you didn't have to. You insisted and said you'd be fine. I gave you a kiss and you smiled as you helped me put it on. It was so sweet and totally you" Dan smiled at the memory and continued, "I still remember how you kissed me. It was late and dark. The only lights were from the lampposts on the streets. Then you and I stopped at the little park on our way to the flat, despite my protests of us getting home before you get sick. I was pretty persistent, but so were you, and you found a way to get me to go along." "Neither of us were tired anyway. It was a perfect end to a perfect day, if I must say so myself" he added._  
  
_Phil remained silent as Dan spoke._  
  
_"About an hour or so later, you said that you were getting tired and we decided to head back. We were just about to leave the park when you realized you'd left your phone on the grass. You told me you'd be back soon and went off. I stood, waiting for you to return. And in the time, it had suddenly gotten colder. I dug my hands into the pockets of your coat. It felt nice. It felt nice until I realized, your pockets were not empty. I felt what seemed like a square shape and pulled it out. It was a box. I guess you could say I was curious because I opened it"_  
  
_Realization hit Phil, hard. He knows exactly what's coming next._  
  
_"I was so happy. Honestly, I was. I loved the idea of it. All of it. Until..." Dan trailed off, but quickly recovered himself, "until I realized."_  
  
_"I'm 23 years old, Phil. I don't- I don't know if and how I'd be able to deal with that kind of stuff. I mean, I'm still so young and stupid and ugh. This is just a huge responsibility and you'd have to deal with most of it on your own. Because, honestly, I would not know better. And I can't just do that to you, Phil, I can't. I can't put all this stress and pressure on you. I care for you. I care for you so much." Dan was crying again, but he was not quite finished yet and Phil knew it._  
  
_Though Phil did not question it._  
  
_This is probably what it's like to speak after weeks of undisturbed silence._  
  
_**Undisturbed silence that had just been broken with one simple action.** _  
  
_So he let him speak._  
  
_"I couldn't bear to tell you." Dan admitted, "so I guess. I kept my distance."_  
  
_"I didn't want to tell you. I couldn't stand to hurt you"_  
  
_As the words came out of his mouth, he realized something. Shamefully he looked down at his feet, a pout clearly present in his face, "but I did exactly that, didn't I?"_  
  
_Phil didn't know what to say; yet at the same time, he did not want to lie._  
  
_So he simply nodded._  
  
_"I knew it" Dan gulped, looking back at the floor. Not wanting to face Phil._  
  
_So Phil just walked towards Dan and pulled him into a hug._  
  
_Dan rested his head of Phil's shoulder for what felt like hours, but was actually only a few minutes._  
  
_It was nice, and peaceful...._  
  
_Until Phil broke away from the hug and made his way back towards the luggage._  
  
_"Wait!" Dan exclaimed. Confused on what's going on. "Where are you- Are you still-"_  
  
_Phil nodded and Dan's heart shattered._  
  
_"I thought- I thought you said you wouldn't hate me-"_  
  
_"I don't, I never will. That was one hundred percent truth"_  
  
_"Then why are you-"_  
  
_"I just need some time. I'm sorry Dan"_  
  
_Dan said nothing, but he understood. No matter how much it hurt. He nodded, mutely._  
  
_He couldn't stop Phil, and honestly. He shouldn't._  
  
_Phil was already out the door, "goodbye Dan, see you soon" he said, with a small smile. Obviously there to try and show Dan it's going to be alright. "I still love you"_  
  
_"Goodbye Phil. See you." Dan said, trying to put on a small smile too. For Phil's sake._  
  
_"I-"_  
  
_And before Dan could say the last part of his sentence, Phil was gone._  
  
_So instead, Dan said it to the now shut door that his boyfriend had just left through, "I still love you too"_


	6. Chapter 6

It has been a week since Phil had left the flat and Dan does not know what to do.

_He hasn't called Phil or anything yet, since Phil probably doesn't want to talk to him anyway._

_Dan took a deep breath as he went from his sitting position on the couch to laying down on his back and staring at the ceiling._

_He'll just have to make do until Phil comes back._

_And he is going to come back, Dan's sure of it. Phil wouldn't just leave him, Phil's not like that. He's always true to his word. When he says he's going to come back, he's going to come back._

_Just, when?_

_How long is "some time" even?_

_Dan groaned, "I really fucked up, didn't I?"_

_He had the greatest boyfriend and everything was so great, but he just had to mess it up, didn't he?_

_He messes up everything._

_Why is Phil even still with him?_

_He's made such stupid mistakes in the past._

_But Phil still hasn't broke up with him._

_Phil has so much patience that he could actually deal with Dan after all these years._

_Especially after what happened in-_

_That thought got cut short by his phone vibrating._

_He grabbed the phone from the table, hopefully, 'what if it's Phil?' He thought._

_He looked at the screen and his face dropped._

_"Not Phil" he sighed, as he put his phone back on the table and returned back to thinking._

One week and three days. That's how long it's been since Phil left.

_Dan has done nothing but simply waited._

_Serves him right._  
  
_That's exactly what he put Phil through._  
  
_For weeks._  
  
_He sighed, 'there's nothing left to do but wait.'_  
  
_And that's exactly what he did._  
  
_It's been a few hours since then and Dan was starting to get tired._  
  
_He hasn't really slept that well since Phil had gone._  
  
_Maybe a couple hours each night and he completely despises each time he goes to bed._  
  
_The bedroom is too quiet._  
  
_It makes him think._  
  
_It makes him remember._  
  
_Though he doesn't seem to forget them anyway._  
  
_He took a deep breath in._  
  
_**Sometimes quiet is violent.**_  
  
_He liked it better when there was sound._  
  
_Even if that sound was Phil watching tv in the other room._  
  
_Or even the sound of Phil's sleeping breaths._  
  
_Both of those made him feel at home._  
  
_At peace._  
  
_And now he gets none of it._  
  
_He's simply stuck in a quiet household._  
  
_A household like him._  
  
_Before Phil left and even now._   
  
Just as his eyes closed and he was about to drift away in to a hopefully, dreamless sleep, he heard the sound of the lock jiggling.  
  
_It took him a good minute to realize what was going on._  
  
_And if he were ever in this situation with a physco killer, he'd be dead in a heartbeat._  
  
_But he had no reason to worry._  
  
_Especially since the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes were Phil._  
  
_"Hey Dan"_


	7. Chapter 7

"Phil?!" Dan shot up.  
  
_"Hi," Phil grinned._  
  
_"You're back!" Dan exclaimed, standing up and pulling Phil into a hug._  
  
_"I'm back" Phil whispered into Dans hair, loud enough for Dan to hear._  
  
_"Where were you? Where did you go?" Dan questioned, not caring if he sounded desperate. Phil was back, he came back to Dan, and Dan was honestly so happy._  
  
_Phil chuckled at Dan's reaction. Wrapping his arms around Dan and responding with a simple "I stayed over at my parents for a bit"._  
  
_He kept it short, trying to avoid bringing anything about what had happened, afraid that it'd ruin the mood._  
  
_And right now, he likes it this way._  
  
_It's comfortable._  
  
_They're comfortable._  
  
_"I love you, Phil," Dan said, hugging him tighter, "I was going to say it before you left, but you had left too soon."_  
  
_"I love you too, Dan" Phil grinned, those three words were music to his ears._  
  
_"And I've been wanting to tell you that ever since then." Dan began, honestly, "I know I haven't been telling you that enough, and I know I should so... I really do love you. No matter what happens. And I am so so glad you do too. You are my best friend and I cannot imagine life any other way. I mean, if a week- heck not even a week, from the moment after you had left, was literal hell. Then I wouldn't want to deal with it again."_  
  
Dan seemed like he was about to cry, and Phil couldn't help but feel at fault.  
  
_Phil's grin turned into a frown as he gently ran his fingers through Dans hair, "Hey, it's okay. Don't cry Dan. I'm sorry, I really am. I shouldn'-"_  
  
_Dan looked up from Phil's shoulder and shook his head, "no, no. It's not your fault. You had every right to leave. So, please, don't beat yourself up about that. If it's anyone's fault, then it'd be mine, I messed up. And I'm sorry."_  
  
_"Okay then, but only under one condition" Phil began._  
  
_"What is it?" Dan asked, with a small smile, liking the idea of Phil not blaming himself anymore, "I'll do anything." He added._  
  
_"You have to do the same" Phil replied._  
  
_"What?" Dan asked, confused._  
  
_"Exactly what you said" Phil continued, simply, "don't beat yourself up over it"_  
  
_"But-" Dan began, but got cut off by Phil._  
  
_"No, Dan, honestly. Please don't. Like you can't stand to see me like that, I can't either for you." Phil said, honestly, "I understand why you thought you couldn't have talked to me about it. When I was gone. I thought about it, a lot. I mean, even before that. After you had first told me. It, and you was all I thought about."_  
  
_"Oh Phil," Dan said, now looking right at Phil, "I'm so glad."_  
  
_"I swear, you always know what to say and when to say it" he added, gently grinning, and going back to hugging Phil._  
  
_He wasn't ready to let go anytime soon._  
  
_They've had enough time apart._  
  
_"Especially when it comes to you" Phil smiled back and at that moment, no one said anything else._  
  
_It had become quiet._  
  
**_But this was a different kind of quiet._**  
  
_This was a comfortable quiet._  
  
_Nothing like what either of them had been experiencing over the short period of time._

_And everything was as it should be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that is the end of that folks~
> 
> I'm sorry it's so short and if I could have made it longer, I would have.
> 
> But there's no need to worry because I had an idea.
> 
> Blue Neighbourhood series.
> 
> Dun dun dun.
> 
> Thanks for reading this far! ♥
> 
> ~~~
> 
> That was old.
> 
> Part 2 is already created.
> 
> It'll be up on here in a bit.


End file.
